15 Ways to Help Your Child Do Hard Things
To say that 2020 was a difficult year would be an understatement. It was hard collectively and individually. I can’t think of a single person or facet of our lives that was left untouched. But here you are, relishing a new year and all of its new possibilities.
You did it. Sure, it may not have been pretty. There may have been tears and mistakes and some things may have even fallen apart. As you contemplate the last year’s struggles during your quiet moments and wonder how you could have done better or what you hope to make better this year, give yourself a pat on the back. You did a hard thing. So did your kids.
2020 was unlike any other for children. Socially, emotionally, academically, physically, and possibly spiritually and financially, their lives were altered. But, like all change and hardship, there was and still will be opportunities for growth.
As we move into 2021, here are a few ways to help your child (and yourself) learn how to tackle the hard things in healthy ways:
1. Love them unconditionally. Make sure your child knows that they are loved regardless of their mistakes, flaws, or differences.
2. Ask, don’t tell. Instead of telling your child that you’re proud of them, ask them how they feel. Acknowledge their feelings and, if needed, guide them to positive resolutions.
3. Set them up for success. Help them make small, achievable goals.
4. Allow failure. Make it okay to fail sometimes, especially when they’re learning something new.
5. Help them understand individuality. No two people experience things the same way. Allow them to safely process things in their own way.
7. Be an example. Ilaxi Patel said it well when she said, “Children close their ears to advice but open their eyes to example.” Let them see you struggle and persist.
7. Be an example. Ilaxi Patel said it well when she said, “Children close their ears to advice but open their eyes to example.” Let them see you struggle and persist.
8. Learn from others. Let your child see, celebrate, and be inspired by other’s accomplishments.
9. Praise effort. Praise the effort, rather than the outcome. (And let your child overhear you talk positively about them.)
10. Persistence over perfection. Persistence can and will bear fruit but perfection will never be achieved. Celebrate persistence…always.
11. Space to grow. Sometimes kids do their best learning when they’re not being watched. Grownups need to learn to step away for a while to allow exploration and discovery.
12. Walk away. Know that sometimes it’s okay to stop. When our emotions get the best of you or/and your child, try taking a break. Sometimes a small break will be enough but sometimes your child just isn’t ready to take on the challenge in front of them.
13. Remind them. Children can be easily overwhelmed by the obstacles they face. Remind them frequently and in different ways that they’ve done hard things before and they can do them again. If you’d like a visual reminder, download and print our free I CAN DO HARD THINGS poster.
14. Try new things together. Choose something small, but new, that you can learn to do together. Help and encourage each other as you learn.
15. Get help. As adults, it’s important that we recognize our own biases and weaknesses, and allow guidance from professionals who can separate themselves from those issues. As for myself, I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a powerful tool for children and adults, and small and significant matters alike.
As we move into 2021, I hope for a year of peace and prosperity. But, if that isn’t meant to be, I hope it will be one with opportunities for growth and knowing we can all do hard things. Together.
Happy 2021! May your year be filled with creativity and joy.
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